December 2, 2009 - Posted by A Kindergarten Teacher - 0 Comments
Kids at the lunch table (they sing this whenever they see me, except they use a shortened form of my last name): Cha cha cha cha Teacher! Cha cha cha cha Teacher!
Nicholas: Cha cha cha cha underwear!
***
Carter (singing): I think I’m in looooooove. I think I’m in loooooooove.
***
Webb: Teacher, will you open my string cheese? I can’t do it.
me: Try it. You just peel back the little flap at the top.
Webb: I can’t.
Zora: Here, I can get it for you.
(She opens it and peels back the plastic so the cheese is exposed)
Webb: Okay, give it back now. Just stop and don’t touch it! You’ll get your germs all over it!
***
Warning, I cannot speak or write in German so forgive any errors in the following…
Nicholas (to me): Das ist doof.
me: (just looking at him)
Nicholas (smiling impishly): Do you know what I said?
me: No, I don’t speak German.
Nicholas: I said “You are dumb.”
me: Well, now that you’ve told me that you have to say three nice things because we don’t speak that way to others, especially not to teachers.
Nicholas: NO!! I don’t want to!!!
I’m thinking, okay if you’re going to insult me in another language then don’t translate, kid!
***
Priscilla: Teacher, I like your hair-do.
***
Pamela: Cleo, c’mon! Aren’t you going to be in our band???
Cleo: Just a minute, I’m drawing a computer.
Pamela: But Cleo, we need you! You are the drummer and that means you keep the whole beat.
Cleo: Okay.
(They run off, turn on the keyboard and start singing the words to a musical version of “We Got the Beat”)
November 26, 2009 - Posted by A Kindergarten Teacher - 2 Comments
Webb: Teacher, guess what I saw on TV yesterday?!?!?!
me: What?
Webb: I was watching this thing, and a dude was pregnant!!!
me: Um, a “dude” was pregnant…?
Webb: Yeah, it was gross!!!
***
Caitlin: Teacher, I don’t feel good.
me: I’m sorry, can you tell me what part of your body doesn’t feel good?
Caitlin: My booty hurts.
P.S. Thank you for all the comments!! I will post as much as I can! Happy Thanksgiving 
November 2, 2009 - Posted by A Kindergarten Teacher - 2 Comments
Priscilla: Teacher, will you help me make a picture?
Me: Okay.
Priscilla: I want to make a scary picture but I don’t know how to draw anything scary.
Me: Well let’s just try to start something. What would you like to draw?
Priscilla: A skeleton but I don’t know how. Look, I messed it up. People won’t even know what this is.
Me: It doesn’t look messed up to me. You have a haunted house and a witch on your sweater. You could look at those and copy them onto your picture.
Priscilla: I can’t. I don’t know how to do that.
Me: Sometimes we have to try to do things we don’t know how to do so we can learn something new.
Priscilla: I can’t do anything. I don’t know how.
Cleo (sitting nearby): In the newspaper Barack Obama said “Anything is possible.”
Me: Well there you go.
***
Oh the interesting things that happen at lunchtime…
Scott: Raise your hand if you want to marry me!
(Cleo, Priscilla and Walt all raise their hands….the other teacher and I exchange a silly glance)
Priscilla: I want to marry Darla!
Webb: You can’t marry Darla, she’s a girl!
Priscilla: Yes I can. Girls can marry girls.
Webb: No you can’t. It’s against the law.
Nicholas: Yeah you can go to jail.
Cleo: Teacher, are girls allowed to marry girls?
(They all turn to look at me, there is a brief pause)
Here are all the things running through my head at this moment: Well, girls are allowed to marry girls but only in some states. But I don’t want to have the explain to a bunch of kindergartners that sometimes girls like other girls because they might not already know that. Maybe I should have them ask their parents. But I don’t want to make a bigger deal out of it than it needs to be…
Me: I’m not sure.
Cleo: Oh, okay.
They all go back to eating lunch and start talking about something else.
October 26, 2009 - Posted by A Kindergarten Teacher - 0 Comments
At lunch, Anna turns around in her seat and calls out to Zora…
Anna: Here, Zora, I made you a book!
Zora: I thought you made that for Webb for his birthday.
Anna: I did but he didn’t want it.
Zora: Oh, ok!
Darla: Anna, you’re gonna make me a book too, right??
Anna: No.
(Darla looks at Zora blankly)
Zora: We discussed it at the Window Table this morning and Anna doesn’t want to make you a book because she said you’re bossing her.
Darla: Oh. (goes back to eating her lunch).
***
Webb: Teacher, guess what?!
Me: What?
Webb: Someone wrote me a love note. EWW!!!
***
Priscilla and Webb walk into the classroom laughing…
Priscilla: Webb, I love you.
Webb (rolls eyes, exasperated): Ughhhhhh!
Priscilla: I know we keep splitting up but I just love you!
***
After misbehaving earlier in the day I told Carter that he owed me 5 minutes of his afternoon recess time later that day. It was raining so we had indoor recess…
Me: Okay Carter, what are you going to do for me when we get to the gym.
Carter: Give you 5 minutes of my recess time.
Me: Mmhm, that’s right.
Carter: Is 5 minutes a long time?
Me: It’s a little bit long, but not too long.
Carter: Yeah. But if you entertain yourself it will seem shorter.
***
We had chocolate and vanilla cupcakes for one of the kids’ birthday celebrations. Afterwards…
Another teacher: Nicholas, you need to wipe your face off buddy.
Nicholas: Why?
Teacher: Because you have chocolate all over your face.
Nicholas: Oh, that’s ok, I don’t mind! (runs away to play)
A little later on…
Me: Nicholas,you need to wash your face off.
Nicholas: Why?
Me: Because you have chocolate on it.
Nicholas: But I don’t mind!!
October 19, 2009 - Posted by A Kindergarten Teacher - 0 Comments
Never teach a kindergartner about pimples. After explaining what a pimple is and how people get them, I had to spend the rest of the day trying to get the children to stop chanting “Grow a pimple, grow a pimple!” and explain to them that pimples are not voluntarily “grown” along with the fact that it is not polite to comment on people’s pimples when they do have them.
October 14, 2009 - Posted by A Kindergarten Teacher - 0 Comments
At lunch…
Anna: Sometimes I yell at my apples because they are being bad.
October 13, 2009 - Posted by A Kindergarten Teacher - 0 Comments
At lunch time…the children love to “vote” on things…
Scott: Raise your hand if you want to pick up the whole world and balance it on one fingernail!
Priscilla: Raise your hand if you want to knock the whole school down with one fingernail! And then put Cheetos on top of it!
Scott: Raise your hand if you want to knock down the whole world!
Priscilla: Raise your hand if you want to put the whole world on your house!
Scott: Raise your hand if you want to knock down the whole school!
Me: Alright guys, let’s try to vote about some positive things. Like, raise your hand if you like sunny days?
Bobby: I like sunny days, but not with bananas.
Me: Oh…so you like sunny days then.
Bobby: Yeah but not with bananas. I don’t like bananas.
***
Washing my hands at the classroom sink…
Nicholas (runs up to me out of nowhere): Oh, go put your overalls on!!
And then runs way.
***
On the playground that afternoon, Scott is crying and having a bad day. I ask him if he would like to tell me about his bad day…
Scott: No. I’m not talking about anything.
Me: Well that’s okay, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. But do you know what I’m going to be when I grow up, Scott? I’m going to be a counselor in a school and it will be my job to listen when people are having bad days, so if you feel like you want to talk about it just let me know because I’d love to listen to you.
Scott (after a pause): But you’re already grown up.
Me: I know. I’m working on it, anyway.
October 9, 2009 - Posted by A Kindergarten Teacher - 0 Comments
After rest time…
Carter: Teacher, will you please tie my shoes for me?
Me: I would love to tie your shoes for you, Carter.
(Carter waits patiently while I tie his shoes)
Me: There you go!
Carter: Wasn’t that nice? I didn’t pout or anything!
Me: Wow, you didn’t did you? You should do that for me every day.
Later, Carter’s job is to water the plants in the classroom
Carter (carrying the watering can): Let’s get this party started!!
October 8, 2009 - Posted by A Kindergarten Teacher - 1 Comment
Anna and Leon’s Story
Me: *enter classroom*
Priscilla: I think I’m falling in love with Leon.
Me: Oh, um, that’s great…
Priscilla: But Anna is falling in love with him too.
Later at lunch…
Zora: Ewww, Leon and Anna kissed today!!!
Me: *turning to Leon* Oh, is that true? Did you and Anna kiss today?
Leon: Yes, it’s true.
Me: Um, did you kiss on the cheek? Right?
Leon: Yes, we kissed on the cheek. I’m not in love with her though.
Me: Oh, really? Okay.
Leon: I’m in love with Myra. She is my friend from another school. You don’t know her.
On the playground after lunch…
Anna (to Darla): I don’t want to play with you today. I’m going to play with Leon
Across the playground of a few minutes later…
Darla, Caitlin and Pamela (all talking to each other): I don’t like Anna anymore…Yeah I know!…She used to be fun until she got a boyfriend!!
Back on the other side of the playground several minutes later Anna is suddenly on the ground sobbing so hard that I honestly thought she broke a bone. When I ask her why she’s crying she manages to tell me that Leon doesn’t want to play with her anymore.
Leon (comes over): Anna, I don’t want to play with you anymore because of the way you treated Darla. You said you didn’t want to play with her.
Anna continues sobbing.
Leon: Listen, Anna there’s something I really need to say to you. (Looks at me) ALONE.
Me: Oh um, you mean me? Oh, uh, okay.
I step away but hear Leon on say: Anna, I love you but I just can’t marry you right now.
Somehow he soothes her and they’re playing again. Later I hear him say: It’s okay Anna, I’ll marry you next week.
Pamela and Nicholas’ Story
On the first day of class, Nicholas and Pamela (who’ve had a history since preschool) decided that they were going to get married. Nicholas told Pam he was going to marry her and she said: Okay but we have to wait until we’re a little older. Let’s wait til a few years after Kindergarten.
However their engagement is certainly having its bumps!
One day when Pamela was absent from school, Nicholas was holding hands with Anna all day on the playground.
Me: Nicholas, I thought you were marrying Pam?
Nicholas: I am! Anna is just my friend. We like to speak German together (yes, many of my children are bilingual)
Also, you need to know that Nicholas also loves to talk about bathroom bodily functions.
Me: You know Nicholas, I wouldn’t want to marry someone who talks about bathroom stuff all the time.
Nicholas: Well that’s why I’m not marrying you and you can’t be a part of my family. Go marry someone else.
Me: I don’t know, what do you think Pam? Do you want to be married to someone who talks about bathroom stuff all the time?
Pam (twists her mouth and shrugs her shoulders): Well…maybe he won’t talk about it so much when he’s older…?
Pam: Nicholas, I play with you all the time so today I am going to play with my girl friends. I will play with you tomorrow, okay?
Nicholas: What?? You don’t want to play my game anymore?
Some arguing ensues and Pamela ends up crying and surrounded by Darla, Caitlin, Luna, Zora and Priscilla with Nicholas facing them.
Nicholas: Well fine!! If you don’t want to play with me then I’m not marrying you!!
He storms away and the girls whisk Pamela off to the playhouse.
Later, Nicholas comes to the playhouse to try to talk to Pam but Darla, Caitlin and a few of the other girls are blocking the door. Nicholas is trying to shout past them to talk to Pam but the girls are having none of it.
Darla: Go away! She doesn’t want to see you right now.
Caitlin: Yeah, get out!
Darla: You hurt her feelings, she doesn’t want to play with you.
Eventually Pam and Nicholas have a “private” chat under the slide and everything is as it should be with the world again.
I can’t decide if their drama is more like a soap opera, a reality tv show or a miniature version of high school. It’s incredible.
More to come!
October 8, 2009 - Posted by A Kindergarten Teacher - 4 Comments
Hello and welcome to my blog! I will be using this space to write about the hilarious, incredible and strange things that the kindergartners in my classroom say and do. My identity and the location where I work remain anonymous because I’m sure these daily occurrences are similar to the experiences of kindergarten teachers and teaching assistants everywhere.
The names of my students have been changed for their own personal safety but here are the names that I have given them along with some of the friendship “cliques” that you might want to be aware of:
Priscilla
Porter
Walt
Webb
Anna
Caitlin
Pamela
Scott
Luna
Cleo
Zora
Darla
Carter
Nicholas
Leon
Bobby
Best Friends (for now): Porter and Bobby, Luna and Zora, Nicholas and Pamela, Darla, Anna and Priscilla
Check out my next post for the recent relationship drama we’ve incurred!
